Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
