Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Randomize
