couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
