grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
should my penis look like a turkey
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
