"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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