sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
