Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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