as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
