good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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