I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
