He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
