oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
