yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
