all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
