im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
