She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
