2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
