I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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