That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
