Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
