What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
