i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
ok first of all what the fuck
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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