I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
