Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
