You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
