For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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