Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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