i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
