just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
