Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
