You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
