On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
