Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
