is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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