if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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