absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
