Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
