We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
