I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
