i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
