Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
