Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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