I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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