ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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