i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
