So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Panties = found
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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