Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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