yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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