i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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