Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
