READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
