i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
