2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
