There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
