Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
