i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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