If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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